Andrew Dice Clay
Andrew "Dice" Clay (born September 29, 1957 in Brooklyn, New York) is a Jewish-American comedian and actor born Andrew Clay Silverstein. Notorious for his highly profane comedy, he became popular during the early 1990s, but has since faded into relative obscurity. He is number 95 on the List of Comedy Central's 100 Greatest Stand-Ups of All Time. Early career Under the name Andrew Clay, he made sitcom appearances on M*A*S*H and Diff'rent Strokes, and had a regular role on Crime Story. He then landed roles in movies such as Making the Grade, starring Judd Nelson (1984) (playing a character named "Dice"), Pretty In Pink (1986) (credited for the first time as Andrew "Dice" Clay), followed by a series of less-notable films. He eventually turned from acting towards stand-up comedy, focusing on the character "Dice" as in Pretty in Pink. Possibly named after The Dice Man, a novel by Luke Rhinehart, the persona was that of a highly racist, homophobic woman-hating street-wise Brooklyn tough. Comedic style Unlike other comics, such as Sam Kinison or George Carlin, who would use their aggression as a tool for political or social commentary, Clay's seeming intent was simply to be as shocking as possible. His material consisted of profanity-laden, sexist routines, emphasizing women as sex objects and nothing more, featuring his purported sexual prowess and his total self-involvement, as well as his extremely offending racist comments aimed mainly toward Asian and Arab people. At its best, Dice's overbearing character hovered between a performance-art rejection of stereotypical misogynism and a celebration of pure excess (similar to the old joke/new film The Aristocrats). However, at its worst the material was simply insulting, and detractors, fans and comedian alike seemed to have had a hard time separating character from reality. Insult comedy Dice would often insult members of his audience, while they were there, and made many so uncomfortable that they left his shows. At this time, his most popular routine involved the subversion of traditional nursery rhymes, turning them from child friendly rhymes into sordid sexual encounters. Subsequently, these rhymes became both his most widely-known material as well as the routine he (and many others) most despised. Dice's nursery rhymes (WARNING! Offensive language!) Hickory Dickory Dock. My balls fell out of my jock. I laid them to rest On some hooker's chest And paddled her face with my cock. Roll, roll, roll your cunt Gently down my prick. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, Then you'll suck my dick. Hey diddle diddle, The cat and the fiddle, The cow jumped over the moon. That's more than my lazy wife does, The fat, fuckin' smelly baboon Little Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet A lightbulb was stuck up her ass. It woke up the spider Who lived deep inside her. He said "Hey, free electric and gas." Jack and Jill went up the hill And Jack would try to hump her. Jill said No / and Jack said So I'll ram it in your dumper. Twinkle twinkle little star, Will she blow me in the car. I bought her dinner, she had fun. My balls are boiling, I'd like to cum. Old Mother Hubbard Went to the cupboard To get her old dog a snack. The cupboard was bare, She didn't despair. She let Rover munch on her crack Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater. Whacked off in the movie theater. Sprayed his load across the screen And ruined Titanic's final scene Jack and Betty, up in a tree F-U-C-K-I-N-G First comes Betty, then comes Jack Then comes the goo from Betty's crack. Little Boy Blue - He needed the money. Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie Jerked off in his girlfriend's eye When her eye was dry and shut Georgie fucked that one-eyed slut Old King Cole was a merry old soul A merry old soul was he He chewed off his tit And ate his own shit And washed it down with some tea. Hickory Dickory Dock Some chick was sucking my cock The clock struck two I dropped my goo I dumped the bitch on the next block. Jack and Jill went up the hill Both with a buck and a quarter Jill came down with two-fifty That fuckin' whore. Mary, Mary, quite contrary, Trim that pussy it's too damn hairy Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet Eating her curds and whey. Along came a spider, Who sat down beside her And said, "Hey, what's in the bowl, bitch?" Old Mother Hubbard Went to the cupboard To get her poor dog a bone When she bent over, Her Rover took over And she got a bone of her own. Jack Sprat could eat no fat His wife could eat no lean So Jack ignored those flabby tits And licked her asshole clean Rock-a-bye baby, on the tree top Your mother's a whore, And I ain't your pop. Little Bo Peep fucked her sheep Blew a horse, licked his feet She ate his ass so very nice Tongued his balls not once but twice Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater Had a wife, loved to beat her Smacked her twice across the head Fucked her ass and went to bed Little jack Horner sat in a corner Eating a pizza pie. He shit pepperoni, Then blew his friend Tony, And wiped his mouth on his tie Twinkle, twinkle little star How I wonder what you are Shine upon the parking lot As I eat my girl friends twat. Three blind mice, see how they run Where the fuck are they going? Eenie, Meenie, Miney, Moe Suck my dick and swallow slow. Jack be nimble, Jack be quick Jack burnt off his fuckin' dick. There was an old lady Who lived in a shoe She had so many kids Her uterus fell out Patty cake, patty cake, Baker's man If your chick's on her period Fuck her in the can Mary had a little lamb, She kept in her backyard. When she took her panties off His wooly dick got hard. Doe, a deer, a female deer. Ray, the guy that fucked her ass. Rub a Dub Dub Three men in a tub. Faggots have threesomes, too- So fuckin' what. Roses are red, Violets are blue. I fucked your mother's ass And she had you. Popularity Clay's growing notoriety led to his being offered a recording contract with Rick Rubin's Def American label. Comedy records do not traditionally sell well, and so it was a shock, even to Clay himself, when his debut album Dice was a commercial success. Sampled excerpts from the album made their way to tracks by gangsta rap artist Ice Cube. When he hosted Saturday Night Live, musical guest Sinéad O'Connor and cast member Nora Dunn refused to appear, protesting Clay's misogynistic persona. Clay donated the money he made from this appearance to charity. ''The Day the Laughter Died'' Clay would then go on to record what some regard as his masterpiece; it is certainly his most successful example of "Dice" as performance art. The two CD set The Day The Laughter Died, lasting just under two hours, hit the Top 40 Album Chart. The concept, according to Clay, was to perform "the worst show possible". Clay went in front of a paying audience with no planned material and insulted them, individually and as a whole, for nearly two hours. Many members of the audience—even some familiar with the standards of a Clay show—walked out, and the entire concert was released without any edits. The album was produced by Beastie Boys and Slayer producer Rick Rubin. Commercial failure Ford Fairlane, the movie with his first starring role, failed at the box office, effectively ending Clay's leading-man career. A standup performance at Madison Square Garden was given movie release as Dice Rules in 1991. Many theaters refused to show it, and it failed commercially; by the release of his album 40 Too Long (1992), Clay was nearly forgotten. His 1993 album The Day The Laughter Died, Part 2 was recorded in front of a small audience at Dangerfield's in New York. On the album, he reprised the concept of The Day The Laughter Died, again verbally insulting his audience. Apart from the audience-baiting, he also attacked American movie critics Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert for giving Dice Rules and Ford Fairlane bad reviews. Responding to a request for a nursery rhyme, which he had previously refused to do in The Day The Laughter Died, he claimed, "You don't know how much I hate those fucking poems, you have no idea how I hate those fucking poems, I wish I'd never thought of those fucking poems." Following the release of The Day The Laughter Died, Part 2, Dice vanished from the media spotlight for two years. ''Bless This House'' He returned in 1995, dropping the "Dice" from his name, eschewing his "Dice Man" persona, and playing the part of a caring family man in CBS' sitcom Bless This House. CBS soon alleged that he was difficult to work with, refusing to learn his lines (among other things), and the show was quickly axed. Clay claimed in a radio interview with shock jock Howard Stern that CBS had promised him they would eventually give the character "an edge", this being the only reason he accepted the role. In typical Dice form, the interview ended in an on-air argument. Later works Following the sitcom's failure, he returned to comedy with his HBO special "Assume the Position" and his 1999 album, Face Down, Ass Up. His audience was smaller than ever before due to the fall from grace of so called "Assault comedy" following the deaths of Sam Kinison and Bill Hicks. He has continued to appear in smaller film roles, most recently One Night at McCool's (2001), featuring Matt Dillon and Michael Douglas. CNN appearance In an interview before a supposed comeback on November 12, 2003, Dice used several profanities on a live CNN cable news program, The Biz, hosted by Allan Chernoff. The video of this episode is available online in many collections of outrageous moments in American television history and "funny video" collections. Comments made on the show include "where are you getting your fucking information" and "Jesus fucking Christ". The channel was not fined by the FCC because it was on cable. CNN interview transcript: "Stand-up Guy" Host (Alan Chernoff): Let's talk a little bit about where your career has been -- Clay: (laughing in disbelief) I can't believe it, you know what I mean? Host: You, of course, were a headline guy, and then -- Clay: I'm still a headline guy, you know what I mean? Host: For a while you popped out, and now you're coming back (motioning a cycle with his hands) -- Clay: I'm coming back... (imitating the host - motioning a cycle with his hands) it's what I do... Host: For a while you were actually... you were running a gym? Tell us about that. Clay: (irritated) Running a gym? Host: Weren't you running a gym at some point? Clay: You're supposed to be a news guy, where are you getting your fucking information? Host: That's our research... Clay: This is ridiculous. I come on CNN, and the guy don't even know what he's talking about. Go 'head. Host: At no point were you running a gym? Clay: No, no... running a gym? What do you need a workout or something? Host: Do you need to take a time out? Clay: Jesus fucking Christ... with these guys. I come on the news for two seconds... an-and you want to say... every time I do an interview a guy wants to open his fucking mouth. Can't even do a little fucking routine here. Host: Alright Andrew, thank you very much, we thought that you could hold back. Clay: (removing microphone) You know? Go fuck yourself. You know what? Fuck the whole fucking network. (leaves) Host: (to camera) Alright. We'll go back to talking about Art Carney. Clay: (off camera) Fucking jerk-off. Fucking asshole guy. Half dead. Host: And we'll be back in just a moment to fill you in on the Art Carney situation. Discography *''Dice, 1989 *Day The Laughter Died, 1990 *40 Too Long, 1992 *Day The Laughter Died, Part 2, 1993 *Face Down, Ass Up, 2000 Recordings featuring Dice samples *"A Gangsta's Fairytale" on Ice Cube's album ''AmeriKKKa's Most Wanted (Priority Records, 1990): Dice is heard saying "Good old Mother Goose, remember her? I fucked her." from "Nursery Rhymes" at the end of the song. *"Just Don't Bite It" on N.W.A's EP 100 Miles and Runnin' (Ruthless/Priority, 1990): Dice asking the question, "But does she suck a good dick?!?" from "Couples In Love", is part of the song's chorus. *"Unbelievable" by EMF (EMI, 1991): Assorted interjections of Dice shouting "Oh, shit!" (sanitized for the radio version, of course), "Whoa, man!" and "It's unbelievable", all from Dice, are heard throughout the song. Starring roles *''Crime Story'' 1986-1988 *''The Adventures of Ford Fairlane, 1990 *Dice Rules, 1991 *Bless This House'', 1995 External links *IMDB.com: Andrew Dice Clay *Rotten.com: Andrew Dice Clay biography (includes some jokes) *Video of CNN Interview (transcript above) See also *Opie and Anthony *Jim Norton Clay, Andrew Dice Clay, Andrew Dice Clay, Andrew Dice Clay, Andrew Dice Clay, Andrew Dice Clay, Andrew Dice Clay, Andrew Dice